Mom, Survivor, a Life Well Lived    Feb. 28, 1920- Oct. 10, 2021 

I buried my Mom, Malka Zajc, 2 days ago.  It was a sunny day at the cemetery in Elmont. We took turns shoveling dirt into the grave where the plain pine box rested, next to Dad's resting place. The Rabbi recited the Kaddish, the Mourner's prayer. It was surreal and sad.

She was 101, a Holocaust survivor, clinging on to life until the day before she left us, I had to tell her to let go. Skeletal, not eating or drinking, demented, she was almost lucid that last day.  Her aides and I sang songs to her, hymnals, Yiddish Barry Sisters songs, like "Biribim Biribom" and we held her hand.  She knew, and she heard. She was fluttering her eyes, not able to speak, and moving her arms.  She heard the words of her 2 grandsons whom she loved, and they told her, we're getting married, we're having a baby, and our sister is engaged.  

I whispered to her in Yiddish, this time with more conviction, "It's o.k. Mom, you can go now and see Dad. We're all ok and we're going to be fine."  10 hours later at 2 am, she took her last breath.  I was told that loved ones sometimes need to be reassured that it's o.k. to leave this earth. 

I felt a relief, and also a terrible loss.  I had such mixed emotions those first few hours. I cried and I felt the need to find her one more time and ask her if she was o.k. It's days later, and I'm still searching for her, for a sign that her soul is still hovering around me.  

Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 

That last year was not kind to her.  Hospitalized twice, she started slowly going downhill. She became agitated, as dementia took over, and started reliving her past. Surviving the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, and 4 concentration camps made her delusions painful.  She started seeing a little boy in the house and talking to him.  She had lost her year old son in the Warsaw Ghetto, so we thought it was him. 

She'd cry out "Get me out" over and over like a chant, daily.  We didn't know if she was back in the camps or saying get me out of this life. Her body deteriorated; she couldn't walk, couldn't chew, was legally blind and incontinent.

Mom's 100th Bday 

 But she perked up when we visited and called us on the phone, happy to have family around her.  We were lucky to throw a 100th birthday party for her, February of 2020, with the entire small family we have.  Then Covid hit and we were all in lockdown.  

It was tough for me, commuting to Brooklyn, and seeing my mother in such distress and decline.  I'd play her music, Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis and the Barry Sisters, and she'd sing along and was transported to another time.  I thought at least the music is soothing her.  We would remind her of how great of a dancer she was. And then she'd sleep.

Mom in NYC and Sweden, Dad 

When Mom stopped eating and drinking 2 weeks ago, I knew I had to call Visiting Nurse Hospice. They took over the burden of transitioning Mom to her final rest. We didn't know how long Mom would last without food. That last day, she rejected my spoon of glucerna and water, as I was thinking, parent has become child.  But she was done and passed a few hours later.

Mom and I 

No matter how old your mother is, that particular loss is a monumental one. This will take some time, to get through; there all all those stages of grief. Shiva for her will be at the beach, which she loved, and where I find peace.  

Goodnight Mom. Sleep well in peace and comfort.